Help for Women Who Are Shy
This article presents a rare therapy in which a man who is scared of women overcomes his nervousness (shyness) by busying himself with healing a woman’s shyness. After the guy has healed a woman’s shyness (she is now able to be vulnerable to others), he will be given more learning and job duties.
The following techniques (in this order) are frequently employed in the treatment of anxiety disorders (such as social anxiety): insight, perseverance, and action. This method has several disadvantages: anxious people are generally less learnable, which means they have difficulty acquiring new knowledge (e.g., understanding their diseases); and anxious people frequently exhibit erratic behaviour while attempting to change their behavior.(Psychological) opposition (avoidance behaviour).
Because of these disadvantages, the therapy is frequently excessively protracted or fails. The following therapy takes an alternative method, in which the aforementioned techniques are performed in the opposite order, so eliminating the disadvantages. The nervous person is given an assignment (activity) by the trainer (or therapist) without a thorough and clear explanation. If the activity is completed successfully, the less worried individual will be given more learning and job tasks (insight) by the trainer.
This therapy is mostly based on the problem-solving therapy developed by American psychiatrist and psychotherapist Milton H. Erickson (founder of uncommon therapy and hypnotherapy). Erickson investigated many approaches to addressing various societal problems without looking into his customers’ pasts. (For example, the manner in which they were raised).
Other therapists studied Erickson’s methods and applied them in their practise. Jay Haley (1976), one of those therapists, recounted in his book a number of sessions with a family with a small kid who was scared of dogs. During these sessions, the therapist devised an amazing approach to assist this little child overcome his phobia of dogs. The therapist encouraged this little child, with the support of his parents, to take a tiny dog home that he believed was very scared and to help it overcome its fear. In short, this technique helped this little youngster become less afraid of dogs. The treatment that follows is based on the story of a little kid who was terrified of dogs and was once executed by a man who was terrified of women. This man knew a woman who he believed was extremely shy, and he attempted unsuccessfully to help her overcome her shyness. He accomplished this by making contact with her and telling her about himself. He later noted changes in his behaviour, as well as the way he thinks and feels, as a result of his interactions with this woman.
Following his contacts with this formerly shy woman, he has seen the following changes in himself:
- more receptive to others.
- He is not scared of ladies (he had a two-year connection with a lovely, intelligent Chinese woman with a college diploma who was also a contestant in Miss China 2005);
- arging (becoming furious) with others (although this leads to the loss of his friendship with his Chinese lover);
- capable of dealing with friendship breakdowns with others more effectively than previously;
- capable of predicting and reading the nonverbal behaviour of others.
- improved driving skills (and later became a licenced driving instructor);
- improved athletic abilities (for example, swimming);
- It is not necessary to use alcohol or drugs to feel better.
- He is frequently “high” during private interactions with others.
- was labelled as retarded, yet went on to acquire a bachelor’s degree in social sciences;
- improved cognitive performance (memory and reasoning);
- capable of higher-order thinking.
Method of treatment.
Men who are terrified of women can benefit from the following treatment:
- Insight (plus possible subsequent assignment)
The trainer’s directions (orders) are followed by the male customer.
A male customer who is terrified of women is told to find a lady who he believes is particularly shy and to try to alleviate her shyness. By becoming vulnerable to her, the male customer should be able to heal her shyness (that is, by talking to her about himself).
The male customer keeps working on the task (assignment).
The male customer visits this bashful woman once a week and tells her about himself. The male customer should become susceptible to her gradually (that is, in little degrees). This might bring her some unpleasant shocks (such as anxiety).
Insight (plus possible subsequent assignments)
If the male client is successful in curing the woman’s shyness (that is, the woman is able to be vulnerable to others), the trainer will give the male client further learning and work projects.
- The male customer reads books or articles (or sections of books or articles—copies) recommended by the trainer, such as:
- discusses the genesis of anxiety or shyness, such as the author Terry Dixon’s book:
- Books regarding relationships, such as those by authors and marital therapists Andrew G. Marshall and Michael Batshaw;
- Books regarding “the Myth of Mars and Venus,” for example, by Deborah Cameron and Cordelia Fine.
- The male client also engages in a variety of activities to increase his chances of finding a good and long-term relationship with a woman, including:
- emotional management training
- improvement of communication abilities;
- going to a sports school (in order to maintain a healthy body);
- Learn how to cook;
- I am learning to dance;
- Learn how to look after youngsters.